This has been one of the hardest weeks yet. Jenney continues to have memory issues, and trouble controlling herself. Sometimes she won’t take her meds, but the steroids are at least helping. She’s confused a good bit of the time, and she needs help with personal care. She can shower on her own, though at one point she turned off the water before conditioning her hair. Small things. Yet last night she read a whole book to the boys for bedtime, and prayed with them.

So she’s home, and the kids are happy to see her. We go see Marcus each day, and hold him, or feed him. Today he was quite awake and his eyes are starting to move around as he becomes better able to see. The nurses all adore him. I’m convinced he’s the strongest of us now and being with him gives us strength.

Friday we met with Dr. Goldman, the neurosurgeon and got the recommendation to do a repeat operation. The tumor has grown back almost to the same size, and though it’s not pressing on her brain and causing migraines like it was the first time, it is grown into the cavities where brain fluid should be and starting to block drainage. He gave us a 95% chance of success in controlling this if we resect the tumor again, hit it with the gamma knife, and begin immunotherapy as soon as possible. The operation is scheduled for Tuesday, May 12th.

With the new COVID concerns, Jenney had to have another test today. The sinus swab is terrible and I don’t know if they were able to get a solid sample as Jenney could barely stand it, but I talked to Dr. Goldman and he said it shouldn’t hold things up at least. However, we have to stay home and she can’t go visit Marcus until after the surgery. She will be in recovery for hopefully less than 2 weeks this time, as Dr. Goldman said he was being overtly cautious last time due to the pregnancy and not wanting to install a stint. This time there’s not as much risk if they need to put in a stint. They can use contrast for the operation which means he can get more accurate and see what he’s doing much better than the first time. And without the concern of the pregnancy, things should go much smoother. He anticipates that she will make a full recovery as she did last time, but cautioned that there is always a lot of risk of permanent damage.

It’s been very difficult to accept that we have to do this again, I’m still not sure I have; it was so hard the first time. Everything within me wants this to not be my reality, and Jenney is also dealing with postpartum depression at the same time. She sleeps a lot. When she’s not sleeping, she’s trying her best to be Mom, but she gets tired very quickly and I usher her back to bed. She’s so strong. She’s sacrificed so much to make sure that Marcus is healthy. Has there ever been a better mother?

We haven’t told the kids yet. We’re celebrating Sebastian’s birthday this weekend and Mother’s Day and I don’t want the news to detract from that for their sakes. I hope we can make it happy for them, and I hope we can make Jenney smile and feel appreciated. I hope she remembers it. I hope…

God has brought us this far, I know He won’t abandon us now.

My apologies if I don’t get back to anyone, or forget to update you all. I’m crying and in prayer a lot, and trying to be strong enough to just put one foot in front of the other. Jeanne has been a huge source of comfort, as have my neighbors who try to make sure that I’m ok and taking care of myself too. I don’t want to do this. But it seems we must.

Please pray for us, pray we don’t break. Pray God will give us the strength to endure the coming weeks. Pray these COVID restrictions loosen up so that I can have help in being with Jenney in one hospital and Marcus in another. Thank God for the healing he has given us so far, and pray that the doctors are making the best decisions possible. Pray that we find moments of peace in this storm.

Thank you to every one how has been praying already, to those sending us food, cards, gifts, and supporting us in so many ways. I hope one day I can repay the incredible generosity we’re receiving. This would be so much harder without it. God bless you all.